


However Long it Takes

by mehna



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Angst, Claia and Heline Background, Eventual Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Fluff, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, POV Alec Lightwood, Reunions, Underage Drinking, Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 00:35:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20036875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mehna/pseuds/mehna
Summary: Alec and Magnus have been at the same high school since freshman year, but they've never had one conversation, until Alec decides last minute to go on a trek with a few of his old classmates. He's swept off his feet by Magnus, his charisma and love for adventure, but Magnus has never been one to be tied down.They part ways after the trip, with Magnus chasing his dreams and Alec following in his parent's footsteps to become a doctor, until eight years later when they're reunited at a mutual friends wedding, where Alec makes himself promise to not fall for Magnus again.He fails spectacularly.***Another Bollywood Movie AU, because I just can't help myself.





	However Long it Takes

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact, I've actually written the notes and tags on paper because I'm in the hospital (yay) and I don't have my phone or laptop with me, so my brother is posting this for me. 
> 
> Anywho, this is an AU of Yeh Jawaani Hai Dewaani, but I've changed a few things because I didn't like the ending, and thus was born this fic. 
> 
> So I've actually got most of it written, which is surprising since it reached almost 50k and I didn't think I'd be able to do it, but I applauded myself too soon because then I got ill, and now I'm in hospital, and I can't edit the final 1 (maybe 2 depending on length) chapters because there's no signal and I'm not allowed my laptop. I also don't know when I'm going home, so I have no idea when the chapters will be posted, but hopefully soon, because I really miss my bed and I don't want to be ill anymore. 
> 
> Sad story aside, I had a lot of fun writing this, even though it turned out nothing like I had planned. But it sort of got me back in the writing flow, so I'm hoping I can pick up working on other stuff when I'm out and better again, and I'll probably go over this all and change bits because I can't remember half of what I've written and I think it's an absolute mess? I don't know, I really don't remember this chapter I'm posting. 
> 
> I probably sound off my head, which is vaguely true, but yeah, that's it from me. I hope I can get the rest of this out as quick as possible, and thanks to my brother for being amazing and offering to post this for me so I don't miss the deadline, and thanks to my beta @intothespotlight on Tumblr, and thanks in general to anyone reading this. I hope you enjoy it, and I can't wait to read any comments when I'm back home! 
> 
> Happy summer y'all, and stay hydrated! <3

**IDRIS, AUGUST 2011**

  
  


“But Mom, it’s a new  _ flavour _ ,” Max argues, holding up the Oreo Pop Tarts up like they’re some gift to humanity. 

Their mother sighs, clearly already done with the conversation as she continues without a word down the aisle. Alec can’t blame her, Max has been raving about these Pop Tarts as soon as they entered the grocery store. 

“Alec?” he asks, looking at him with big hopeful eyes.

“Put it in the cart, then,” he relents, the corner of his lips lifting up in a smile when he sees how happy Max looks, skipping along next to him as they catch up to Maryse. 

They’re just lining up at the checkout when a voice calls out his name. He turns around to be greeted with familiar red hair. 

“Oh, hi Clary,” Alec says, smiling a little uncomfortably. 

It’s not that he doesn’t like Clary; from the encounters they’ve had, she’s been nothing but nice. They just never really hung out in the same circles at school, so he’s not so sure why she’s calling him out right here. 

“How are you dude?” she asks, smiling kindly as if she can sense Alec’s shyness. 

“Um, good,” Alec answers. He’s stopped from saying anything else when his Mom joins him and Max and looks at Clary warily. 

“Clarissa, right?” she asks. “You were in Alec’s grade?” 

“Yeah, that’s me. Nice to meet you, Mrs. Lightwood, and Max.” She smiles again, waving at Max before piling on what looks to be cases of canned soda and multiple packs of chips on the conveyor belt. “So, Alec, what have you been up to?” 

Alec has no idea how she can talk to him so casually considering they probably spent a grand total of fifteen minutes in their four years of high school together. “Um, nothing much,” he answers vaguely, and then gets a swat on his arm from his mother much to Max’s amusement. 

“What do you mean  _ ‘nothing much’ _ ”, she says with a huff, then turns to Clary and adds, “he’s going to start pre-med in September. At Alicante University, no less. He got in on a full scholarship.” 

Alec tries to hold in his embarrassment at his Mom calling him out in front of Clary and the two checkout operators, who just look vaguely amused by the conversation the customers they’re serving are having. 

“Wow,” Clary exclaims. “That’s amazing, Alec! You’re just like I remember, always top of the class.” She says it kindly, but Alec feels like he’s back in high school when everyone joked about his “goody-two-shoes” persona. 

“And what are you studying?” Maryse asks Clary, oblivious to Alec’s inner turmoil.

“Art and Design,” Clary answers proudly. “I’ve never had the knack for science and math like your son, Mrs. Lighwood,” she chuckles. “Thank god I don’t have to do it anymore. Now it’s just vacation and then art school.” 

“Oh?” Maryse says, and Alec can tell by her face that she’s holding back on saying something undoubtedly rude about how “art isn’t a real career”, instead asking, “Where are you going on vacation?” 

“Mom,” Alec whispers in agitation. She’s so nosy sometimes. 

“A trek in Oregon,” Clary answers with a happy smile.

“That’s nice, a family vacation?” 

“Mom!” Alec whispers shouts this time, ready for the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

Clary fishes out her purse from her bag and hands over some cash. “Oh, no, I’m actually going with some friends.” She turns to Alec again. “You remember Magnus and Simon, right?” Alec almost scoffs. How could he not remember them? “Oh, and Helen is coming with her girlfriend. You’re friends with Aline, aren't you?” 

Alec knew Aline was going on a trip with Helen, but he didn’t realise she was going with Clary and Magnus and Simon. It makes sense though, since Helen was friends with them all throughout high school, and eventually Aline got to know them too. He can’t help but feel a little disappointed that he’s not doing something like that over summer. 

“Anyway,” Clary says, gathering her bags and hefting them up. She looks ridiculous, all petite and tiny, her thin arms carrying what are clearly heavy bags. “It was nice seeing you Alec, and you Mrs Lightwood. Bye!”

She walks off and Alec watches her go, feeling a little wistful and standing there like a complete doofus as his Mom bags up their groceries. 

“Excuse me, Sir?” someone calls out, and Alec looks over to see it’s the operator who served Clary. “Your friend left this behind.” He hands Alec a crumpled sheet of paper.

It’s a list scrawled on a pamphlet, Alec realises, and then gets to the bottom where there’s a note written in elegant cursive.

_ 9am, Idris Central. Don’t be late Biscuit!  _

_ -Magnus _

***

Later that night, Alec sits with his family during dinner and sullenly plays with the food on his plate, the pamphlet burning a hole in his pocket where he’d shoved it as they left the store. 

Izzy and Jace are arguing over each other about what movie to watch tonight, while Max happily scoops up his mashed potatoes, uncaring about the mess he’s making when he aims the spoon for his mouth and misses by a mile. 

Their mother side eyes him, probably internally debating whether to help him or not, then decides against it after what is likely her remembering the tantrum of Christmas 2010 where Max had declared,  _ “I’m a Big Boy now, I don’t need help” _ , capital letters and all, while standing on the dining table wearing nothing but his underwear and one sock with gravy smothered all over his face. 

He sighs, blissfully ignorant of the conversations around him until he hears his name being mentioned. 

“We ran into one of Alec’s friends at the store today,” Maryse says to Robert. “Your remember Clarissa, right?” 

“Clary,” Alec mumbles under his breath, but it goes unheard.

“Her poor parents, she’s going to study  _ art _ ,” Maryse says, clearly appalled by the idea.

“Mom,” Alec warns. He sees Izzy and Jace giving him a contemplative look from the corner of his eye. He doesn’t usually speak up against his mother. 

“What?” She sighs heavily, as if explaining something to a child. “Alec, you know as well as I do that she doesn’t have a future studying art.” 

Alec just about refrains from pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance. Everyone else around the table has gone silent, as if waiting for some big fallout to happen, and Alec realises that he wants it too. He doesn’t want to stay silent and let his mother say such things. He’s  _ tired _ .

“Where do you think these paintings came from, Mom?” he asks in a tone of voice he’s never heard from his mouth before, especially not used to talk to his mother. He gestures around their dining room, where there are indeed multiple fancy paintings, that in Alec’s opinion are just blobs of colours in random shapes. From what he remembers of Clary’s art, it’s so much better than what his Mom has picked for their home. 

Maryse gapes back at him, as does Robert, while Jace, Izzy and Max just stare at him wide eyed but also a little in awe. Alec takes that and uses it as his courage to continue. 

“Everyone doesn’t have the same priorities in life...not everyone wants to be a doctor, Mom.” 

Shockingly, his mother has the audacity to  _ laugh _ , as if Alec has just said something so incomprehensible it’s actually funny. 

“As if someone would even make her a nurse,” she jests.

“At least she’s enjoying her life!” Alec shoots back, then instantly clamps his mouth shut.

His mother glares at him, while everyone else just stays silent and turns their head back and forth between the two of them like they’re watching a tennis match. 

“Girls who enjoy their life too much end up becoming pregnant, and then they’re miserable.” Maryse goes back to her food, apparently done with the conversation. 

“Well at least I don’t have to worry about that,” Alec says, but his mother pays him no mind, so he goes back to his food in the tense silence. “I’m already miserable anyway,” he says under his breath, not realising how much he means it until it’s said out loud.

Izzy seems to be the only one who heard it.. She looks at him with so much sympathy and pity that Alec feels sick. 

He pushes his plate away and looks sullenly down at the table, wringing his hands in a nervous gesture atop his lap.

“Finish your food, Alec,” Maryse says.

“I’m not hungry,” he retorts.

“What’s gotten into you today?” she asks, looking at him like he’s got a screw loose. 

And that’s just the thing, isn’t it. He speaks out of line or does something that isn’t in her scripted plan for him and suddenly he’s something that needs to be fixed, some robot that’s done something he wasn’t programmed to do.

He sighs, realising nothing is ever going to change, and for some reason seeing Clary today has made him want that change more than anything. 

Looking into his mother’s eyes, willing her to see what he’s feeling right now, he confesses, “I’m fed up, Mom. I’m fed up of this stupid life, of everything being mapped out for me. Clary is going on  _ vacation _ , with her  _ friends _ no less. I can’t even give myself a Sunday off from studying unless I want you and Dad up my ass about being better or working harder.” 

He can see his father open his mouth, most likely to reprimand him for his language or talking to his mother like that or maybe both, but he snaps it shut and just stares blankly at Alec like he’s at a loss for words. Maryse doesn’t look like she has anything to say either. 

“I’ve wrung myself dry these past four years trying to get this scholarship, because it’s what  _ you _ wanted from me so I could run the clinic one day, and this is likely the only summer I’ll get free and you still fill it up with volunteering and working and studying.” 

Alec’s not sure what he’s trying to get out of this conversation, but when Maryse looks at him with some sympathy and says, “So you want a vacation? You can have that Alec. In fact, we can all go visit the Penhallow’s for a week,” as if it’ll fix everything, he knows it isn’t that. 

“Enough, Mom!” He stops her mid plan-making with Robert, and silence befalls them all again. He doesn’t think Isabelle, Jace and Max have ever stayed quiet for this long before. 

Not wanting to be there any longer, he stands up, and with a final, quieter, “Enough,” he walks out of the dining room and up the stairs. 

Izzy finds him first, slumped over his desk as he attempts to read from a textbook. He’s not actually taking any information in, but keeps up the ruse just so she doesn’t see how frustrated he is by everything, though by the way she sighs and says, “Oh, Alec,” he’s sure she can see anyway. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” she asks, coming over to lean against the desk. 

Alec sighs, runs a hand over his tired features, then leans back in his chair to look up at her. “I don’t know,” he says, and it’s only partly a lie. He’s not totally unhappy, he has her and Jace and Max, his parents didn’t kick him out when he came out, and he actually  _ does _ want to be a doctor, but he just wishes he wasn’t always so lonely. He wishes he had friends apart from his siblings and Aline, though even they drifted apart when his parents made him focus on his studying. He wishes he had people he could maybe go on a vacation with instead of spending his summer before University volunteering at his parents’ clinic like he did every year. 

“You don’t have to work over the summer, you know?” Izzy tells him when they’ve been in silence too long. Alec startles, looking at her with his mouth gaping, wondering if she just read his mind. “You’re allowed to have fun, Alec, despite what Mom and Dad say. One break over one summer isn’t going to ruin your career.” 

“What would I even do?” he asks her, because it’s all well and good to take a break, but Alec will probably start working anyway if he’s just at home for it all.

Izzy’s eyes sparkle with an idea, and Alec can already tell he’s not gonna like it. 

“Why don’t you go on the trek that all your friends are going on?” she suggests, as if it were that easy, as if they weren’t leaving the  _ next morning _ . “Oh, don’t give me that look,” she reprimands, shoving his shoulder playfully. 

“I - I don’t even know these people!” he argues, but Izzy just looks at him disapprovingly. 

“You went to school with them for four years at the minimum, and besides, you know Aline and you can get to know everyone else on the trip.” 

"Izzy," Alec begins, "I don't even know where they're staying, when they're leaving or if I'm even welcome. They probably don't want some tag along going with them." 

"Okay, first of all, don't lie to me. Max told me about the pamphlet. Second, Aline is going, and Clary was super nice to you today, so they're not gonna tell you to leave when you're there. Just consider it." 

She walks over to his bed and grabs his laptop, pulling the lid open to turn it on. With an encouraging smile, she places it in front of him, kisses his cheek and leaves him alone in his room once again.

He sighs heavily, turning away from where he watched her close his door to the open screen showing the Google homepage. 

Alec would like to argue that he keeps up the act of dismissal towards the trip for a while after Isabelle leaves, but in actuality he starts typing straight away and clicks on the first link to read up about it. 

He’s never been on a trek, but he keeps himself relatively active and fit, and he knows that there'll be lots of hiking involved and that's something he has done three times, all of which were with his family and they stopped going once he’d turned 14, so he’s probably rusty at best, a complete newbie at worst. 

Alec decides to categorize himself in the first option because if he’s actually thinking about doing this trip, he may as well hop right on board to the crazy train.

To his surprise, it doesn’t take that long to find the trip Clary has planned, especially when there’s only one going on at this time of year since it’s quite warm and this particular one is targeted towards students, since it gives a discount to them. 

He thinks it must be a sign when he sees there’s only one more space left on the trip, and without thinking Alec clicks the button to sign up for it, fingers flying over the keyboard to type in his information.

It doesn’t take as long as he thought it would. He’s got his passport out and ready, his details filled in, even the money ready to go, but he hestitates before clicking confirm, wondering what the fuck has gotten into him. 

He’s never been the impulsive type, that was always Izzy and Jace’s department, but right now, his finger hovering over the mouse, he feels excitement, for once in his life _ .  _ This is something he actually  _ wants _ , and it’s just a click away. 

He presses the button.

  
  
  


So maybe sneaking out of the house at 4am after saying goodbye to Izzy, Jace and Max and leaving a letter addressed to his parents telling them he’ll be gone for just under two weeks wasn’t the best idea, Alec thinks as he sees his phone blow up with messages from his Mom. 

He opens the group chat he has with Jace and Izzy and can’t help but smile to himself at their reassurance that he’s doing something good. 

** _Izzy_ **

**I’m so proud of you, Alec! You’re gonna have such a good time!**

** _Jace_ **

**Never thought you had it in you bro, but have fun! **

** _Jace_ **

**Also Mom and Dad are losing their shit, this is the best thing I’ve ever seen. **

**Thanks guys**

**Are they really angry?**

** _Izzy_ **

**Only a little bit, but it’s okay. They’ll get over it. You just have fun! <3**

**<3**

Alec pockets his phone as the train arrives on the platform. 

People bustle about around him, hurrying off the train and out of the station or onto the train with their copious amounts of luggage. 

He looks around, trying to find the trek Instructor that will be their guide when they get to Oregon, but he can’t find anyone wearing the badge or lining up anyone from his school. What he does find, is the back of someone’s head that looks vaguely familiar, short hair on the sides and spiked up at the top with highlights of colour. 

_ Magnus _ .

He’s holding a camcorder up, recording the station for some odd reason. Alec takes a deep breath and heads towards him, gently tapping him on the shoulder. 

“Excuse me?” he says. “Sorry I’m late but-” Alec freezes up, his words dying in his mouth as Magnus turns around and looks at him, eyes lit up with something Alec can’t quite identify. 

He’s even more attractive than Alec remembers. 

Mentally slapping himself for that thought, Alec shakes his head and opens his mouth to continue with what he was saying, but Magnus beats him to it. 

“Hey!” he says, clearly recognising him. “You’re Alexander, right? From school? Top of the Class Lightwood.”

“Alec,” Alec corrects automatically. No one but his parents all him Alexander, and that’s always because they’re mad. “You remember me?” he then asks, because he’s an absolute idiot that can’t control his brain to mouth filter when faced with the sexiest man alive. 

“Of course, how could I forget you?” Magnus answers in response, and then as if he wants to murder Alec right where he stands, he leans in and  _ hugs _ him. 

He smells so good, like sandalwood and and something uniquely Magnus. Alec’s never been hugged by him before (though he’s imagined it plenty of times), so he’s a bit confused as to why he’s getting a hug now, but he accepts it anyway, and if he sniffs a couple times, it’s totally because of allergies, not because he’s trying to inhale more of Magnus’ smell. That would be weird and creepy. 

“It’s been a while,” Magnus says as he pulls back. Alec tries not to feel bitter about it. “How have you been?” 

“Uh, fine,” Alec answers, stammering over his words as usual when faced with an attractive guy.

This is why Izzy calls him a disaster gay. He gets it now. 

The voice overhead calls out an announcement for his train and he jolts out of his staring, turning around frantically to gather his belongings as he asks, “I know I’m late, but do you know where Luke Garroway is?” 

Magnus hums and looks around lazily, as if the train isn’t set to depart in two minutes. Then he frowns and turns back to Alec, one perfectly shaped eyebrow raised. 

“Hold on a second, Darling,” he begins, and Alec fucking  _ whimpers. _ It’s quiet, barely even audible, so Magnus doesn’t hear it, but that doesn’t make it any less embarrassing. “You’re coming with us, on the trek?” 

“Y-yes?” Alec stutters, wondering why Magnus looks as shocked as he is. 

“It’s a lot of walking, a lot of climbing,” Magnus explains, as if Alec doesn’t know what the trip entails. “You’ll have to sleep outside in a tent some nights.”

Alec nods along, aware of all of this. He did his research the night before. He may have decided last minute to come along, but that doesn’t mean he’s unprepared. 

“There’ll even be grizzly bears,” Magnus continues, but Alec holds up his hand to stop him from saying anymore. 

“There aren’t any grizzly bears in Oregon,” he tells Magnus. “There are only black bears.” 

Magnus grins at him in response, something beautiful and bright and Alec tries not to be enamoured by it. 

“You did your research,” he says then, a mixture of fondness and amusement on his face, and Alec simply nods in answer. 

He’s saved from having to say something else when someone calls his name, and then he and Magnus are joined by a tall, muscular man with a kind smile. 

“You must be Alexander Lightwood,” he says, holding out a hand that Alec shakes. “I’m Luke.”

“You can call me Alec. It’s nice to meet you,” Alec smiles. 

“Listen, I’m so sorry about this, but I just got a call from the hotel and they don’t have enough rooms for you to come along.” 

Alec’s smile falls, something painful lodging in his throat as he tries to swallow down the news. 

He should have expected something to go wrong. If it wasn’t his parents, it had to be something else. 

“Everyone that’s signed up for the shared rooms are fully booked, and priority goes to those who signed up for single rooms first, so I can’t ask someone to change that now. I’m so sorry son,” Luke explains, looking truly sympathetic. Alec appreciates him feeling sorry about it but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. 

“It’s okay,” he says, even though it’s not. Alec can’t even imagine how miserable he looks right now. His parents would get what they want in the end, and they didn’t even have to lift a finger to make it happen. “Thank you anyway.” 

Alec tugs his bag higher up on his shoulder and begins to turn around, not wanting to be there any longer than he has to now that he can’t go, but Magnus’ voice freezes him in his tracks. He had forgotten he was even there. 

“You can sleep with me.” 

Alec gapes at him, not sure if this is some kind of joke, and then he realises that Magnus means sleeping in the literal sense, not what Alec’s mind supplied for him, but that doesn’t make it sound any more believable. 

“I signed up for single, but I don’t mind sharing if it’ll let you come.” Magnus looks towards Luke as if asking permission, and Luke simply nods with a happy smile again. They both turn to look at Alec expectantly, who just stares in bewilderment at them, mind still reeling with Magnus' words and how suggestive they sounded. 

The horn blares for the train, signifying a final warning, and Alec’s nodding before he can even comprehend what he’s doing. 

Luke claps his hands together and declares, “Well that’s settled then. Hop on,” before disappearing into the train. 

Magnus’ face appears right in front of him again, and Alec stares, still frozen to the ground in shock. 

“Come on then, Darling,” Magnus says as he lifts up Alec’s bags. “Let’s get going.” Alec stares dumbly at him, and Magnus smirks in response as he asks, “Do you want me to pick you up too?”

In any other scenario, Alec would blush like a madman and stutter like a lovestruck teenager fangirling over a celebrity, but right now he’s occupied by completely freaking the  _ fuck _ out.

“I-I’ve never gone anywhere like this,” he whispers in a panic, eyes frantically searching Magnus’ for something, though he doesn’t know what. “I’ve never been on a trip by myself.” 

Magnus looks at him, eyes calculating, and then his expression softens as uses his free hand to grab Alec’s, intertwining their fingers. “Then come now,” he says, smiling gently at Alec, as if talking to a spooked animal. “You’re going to be fine, Alexander. And you’re not going by yourself. You have me and the others. You’ll have fun with us...it’s going to be okay, Darling.” 

Somehow, Magnus’ words reassure him, filling him with a warmth he doesn’t have the energy to try and understand right now, and so with a deep breath, Alec curls his fingers around Magnus’, relishing in the feel of the warmth and softness of Magnus’ palm against his own. He lets himself be led onto the train, admiring Magnus’ arms as they heft up his suitcase and smiling numbly at a few of his ex-classmates as he’s gently pushed into a seat. He’s going to be absolutely fine. It’s all going to be okay. 

It’s then, when Magnus takes the seat next to him and pats Alec’s thigh in another act of reassurance that Alec realises what he’s just agreed to. 

He’s going to  _ share a bed... _ with  _ Magnus _ . 

He is absolutely  _ not _ going to be fine. 

Fuck.

  
  


***

  
  


Somehow, Alec’s panic abates on the train ride to Oregon, mostly because Aline shows up and he’s instantly calmed by her familiar presence. 

She laughs her ass off whec Alec quietly tells her how he left a letter for his parents and snuck out of the house to come on the trip, then gives him a hug and tells him she’s proud of him. 

The rest of the ride passes with mindless chatter and games, and before he knows it they’ve reached the hotel. 

Alec’s too tired to even bother freaking out over his sleeping arrangements, so he quickly changes and brushes his teeth in the bathroom, then promptly passes out as soon as his head hits the pillow before Magnus has even unpacked his clothes. 

It’s in the early hours of sunrise that the panic hits him again, when he wakes up and realises with a jolt that he’s  _ cuddling _ Magnus. 

There’s an arm wrapped around his hip, warm palm spread on his back seeping heat to his skin even through the cotton t-shirt he’s wearing, and his own arms are curled up between him and Magnus while his head rests in the crook of Magnus’ neck, right where Alec can smell the sandalwood. 

And that’s the moment he realises that their legs are entangled together as well, and a part of him is definitely enjoying being pressed up against Magnus’ toned thigh. 

Alec jumps out of bed so quick he’s surprised he doesn’t fall over. He watches Magnus snuffle, grab the pillow Alec was using and smush his face into it before falling asleep again. 

Releasing a deep sigh, Alec wipes his hand over his face, wondering what the hell he’s gotten himself into, and then heads for the bathroom to take a shower, only realising his mistake once he’s standing naked by the door, with only a towel wrapped around his waist and all his clothes in the main room...where  _ Magnus  _ is.

Alec takes a peek around the door, double checking that Magnus is still asleep, and then tip toes quietly out of the bathroom and towards the wardrobe he’d stored all his clothes in the night before. He mindlessly selects some underwear and tugs it on under his towel, followed quickly by a pair of plain black jeans and his socks. 

He’s just selected a soft grey sweater when he hears a groan behind him, followed by, “Wow, what a lovely sight to wake up to, Alexander.” 

Blushing all the way down to his naval, Alec haphazardly tugs the sweater on and turns around to face Magnus, so red in the face he thinks he might just burst. 

Magnus stretches out on the bed, the duvet pushed down to expose his bare chest (how had Alec not noticed he was shirtless? Oh God, that meant he was cuddling a  _ shirtless _ Magnus) and Alec tries his damned hardest not to look at the pebbled dark nipples, or glorious abs, or the fine trail of hair leading downwards…

Shaking his head and mentally chastising himself, Alec clears his throat awkwardly, and just about manages to push out a slightly strangled, “Good morning, Magnus.” 

“It sure is a good morning,” Magnus says, smirking at Alec like he knows all his dirty secrets. 

They stare at each other in silence for what feels like the longest second Alec’s ever experienced in his 18 years of life, and then Magnus jumps up out of bed, thankfully wearing pyjama bottoms (or not thankfully, depending on how Alec looks at it), before sauntering over to where Alec is standing. 

Magnus reaches out a hand, and Alec stands frozen and watches as it comes up to his face to gently push away some damp hair that’s falling into his eyes and adjust his glasses. Then, it travels down his neck, not touching his skin but so close to it that Alec can feel the whisper of air in its trail before it tugs lightly at the collar of his sweater. 

“This is a lovely sweater, Darling,” Magnus says quietly between them. Alec gulps audibly at the huskines in Magnus’ voice and somewhere within him, finds the courage to meet Magnus’ eyes just before he continues, “but I think it’d look much better if it wasn’t inside out.” 

And then he’s gone, the bathroom door shutting with a small click behind him, and Alec is left breathless, blushing and utterly embarrassed. 

  
  


***

  
  


They meet up with the others for breakfast, and Alec makes sure to be on the complete other side of the table to Magnus because he’s not sure what to think of the whole situation. As a result, he ends up next to Catarina, who he finds is going to be getting a degree in Nursing. 

It makes him feel angry again towards his parents, because had they not made him have close to a nonexistent social life, he might have become friends with Catarina sooner. 

Hell, he might have been friends with the whole group sooner, and he sure as hell wouldn’t be as awkward around them as he is now. And possibly, he might have even dated (Magnus, his brain supplies unhelpfully, but he ignores it) or at least had his first kiss.

He tries not to dwell on his anger and annoyance too much, because it’ll just ruin his mood for the rest of the day, and so after downing his orange juice, he decides to walk around for a bit while everyone else finishes their food. 

There’s light snowfall when he steps outside, so he bundlese his jacket up tighter around himself and heads in the general direction of the church and gardens that are nearby. There won’t be any flowers or plants to look at, but it’ll hopefully bring him some calm and help clear his mind. 

Knowing their trek begins the following day meaning they wont get signal, Alec decides to call Izzy now and pulls out his phone, hitting the first number on speed dial.

“ _ Hello, big bro,”  _ she answers on the second ring, sounding amused and proud all at once. “ _ Miss us already?”  _

“You know it,” Alec says, laughing quietly to himself. He bites his lip, then asks, “are they still mad?” 

Maybe he should be over it now and just try and enjoy this trip. But he can’t help it. It’s practically engraved in him to seek for their permission and approval, so doing something that goes against that makes him anxious like he’s never been before, though now being faced with Magnus is a close runner up in how nervous it makes him.

_ “They are, but I told you they’ll get over it. You’ve always lived your life for them Alec, so live it for yourself now. Just focus on having fun, try not to panic too much and make sure you sleep so you don’t fall down the mountain and die, because if that happens I’ll bring you back from the dead to kill you myself.”  _

Alec laughs, feeling refreshed and energised just by hearing Izzy’s voice teasing him. “I don’t think I’ll be sleeping much. I have a roommate.” 

Izzy gasps as if he’s just said something scandalous. “ _ A roommate? What’s his name? Do I know him?”  _

Alec instantly regrets telling her he’s sharing the room, but for whatever godforsaken reason, he answers the question even though he knows it’ll bring him nothing but more teasing. 

“It’s Magnus.” 

As expected, Izzy squeals so hard Alec has to hold the phone away from him for a few seconds as he waits for her to calm down. 

_ “Magnus? As in Magnus Bane, the most sexiest and popular guy in all of Idris High, who you just so happen to have a crush on?”  _

“I do  _ not _ have a crush on him, Isabelle,” Alec tells her firmly, ignoring the blush on his cheeks or the way his heart flutters at his lie. 

_ “You’re a lying liar who lies!”  _ she says, then gasps again. “ _ Oh my god, you said you won’t be sleeping much. Does that mean you’re having wild and crazy sex with him every night? _ ” Alec splutters at her words, but she steamrolls right over his protests. “ _ You’re gone for one day and already you’re a rebel for Magnus Bane. Jesus Christ, you’re like those girls that drop their bras and panties at concerts to toss them at band members.”  _

“Isabelle!” Alec reprimands, pointing a finger out as if she was in front of him rather than half way across the country. “I can assure you, there’s no sex happening, nor is there dropping of any panties or bras, especially mine.” 

Izzy cackles over the line and Alec groans, realising what he’s just said. “Please, lets not make this another running joke like that one time I accidentally said I have a vagina. I do not have a vagina, and I do not wear panties.” 

“Darling, I wouldn’t judge you if you did,” a voice says from behind him making him jump so hard in his seat that he falls flat on his ass on the ground. 

“ _ Oh my god, is that Magnus? This is the best day of my life,”  _ Izzy chortles. 

“I have to go,” Alec says. “Tell Max and Jace I say hi.” He hangs up before she can say anything else, blushing furiously as he pushes himself to his feet and dusts off his jeans. “Um...that was my sister,” he mumbles. 

“What an odd conversation to have with your sister,” Magnus counters, but he’s smiling so Alec can tell he’s not fully weirded out. 

“It’s not what it - she was just - you know what? Never mind,” Alec rambles, huffing out a laugh at his own expense and flopping down on the bench again just as the church bells ring and a couple walks out, hands entwined as they beam at the camera taking what is likely their first ever picture as husband and wife.

“And so begins their jail sentence,” Magnus says loudly, jumping over the back of the bench and taking a seat next to him. 

Clary and Simon sit on his other side, having apparently appeared from nowhere, and he watches as they roll their eyes at Magnus’ words. 

“See their smiles?” Magnus continues, one arm stretched across the bench, fingertips just shy of touching Alec’s shoulder. “Each day they’ll get dimmer and dimmer, and eventually, in two, three years time, they’ll be hating each other.” 

“Don’t listen to him Alec,” Clary says, playfully slapping Magnus on the chest. “Magnus is  _ allergic _ to marriage.” 

“Yeah? So what?” Magnus retaliates, standing up and walking back towards the hotel, silently commanding everyone to follow him. He looks back towards Alec, beckoning him closer as he says, “Alexander, tell me something. If I gave you a cheeseburger and fries every day for dinner, would you be able to eat it?” 

“Alec,” Alec automatically corrects, and then asks, “What do you mean?” 

“I mean, marriage is like having cheeseburger and fries everyday for fifty years until you die. Life needs some spiciness in it, to switch it up, like pasta, or fajitas, or sushi. The same thing over and over is boring.” 

“But you get different types of the same food, just as there’s always something new about people that you can learn,” Alec counters, eyebrows drawn sharply in confusion at how Magnus could believe this. 

“Either way, how many marriages actually work out? How many couples stay happy till the end, especially now that old traditions like staying cellibate are out? I’m just stating facts here, Darling. It’s better to never get married at all than to get married and then divorce however many times.” 

Alec contemplates that for a moment as they walk, and then when the thought hits him, he can’t help but ask, “but what if you want children?”

“What does marriage have to do with children?” Magnus shoots back instantly, then smirks and winks at Alec. “We can go try and make some now.” Alec’s too shocked to do or say anything as Magnus steps closer to him, close enough that Alec can smell his cologne and the syrup he had with his pancakes for breakfast. “Come back to the room with me and I’ll show you,” he whispers seductively, and Alec audibly gulps before getting his senses and pushing Magnus away from him. 

“Fucking dumbass,” Clary says as Magnus laughs goodheartedly, not caring of the slap she gives to his chest. 

Alec ignores their laughter and continues on up to the hotel, though he can’t help the smile or blush, especially when Magnus shouts after him, “How many do you want? I know how to make twins too, Darling!” 

  
  


***

  
  


Alec’s up early again the next morning, just to avoid having a half naked sleeping Magnus next to him. 

Thankfully, Magnus had spent the evening in the heated jacuzzi with the others while Alec decided to stay in the room and get in some reading for when his courses start. Just because he was spontaneous and decided to come on the trip, that didn’t mean he was throwing everything away. He told himself he still had to get in a couple pages a day for peace of mind, so he didn’t feel so behind when he started in September. 

So, Alec had passed out pretty early, before Magnus even got back to the room, and had therefore avoided any other awkward confrontations while they got ready for bed. And now he’d avoided the morning confrontations too, by being up and ready so early that he was out of the room and having coffee in the hotel cafe before even Luke was there. 

He does his daily reading, knowing he’ll most likely not get time later, and it isn’t until almost forty minutes later that someone comes down. 

Alec looks up at the sound of footsteps and smiles when he sees Aline. He waves her over as soon as she’s made herself coffee, and she takes one glance at the book in his lap and gives him a fond smile. 

“Even on vacation you can’t help yourself, can you?” she asks teasingly, and Alec raises his hands in surrender.

“Guilty as charged,” he says, folding in his bookmark and closing the textbook. 

Aline takes the seat next to him, taking a sip and letting out a content sigh. “It’s so nice here. Relaxing and peaceful,” she states into the silence. “I really needed this break.” 

Something about her tone makes Alec take a second glance at her. “Everything okay?” he asks gently, not wanting to pry but curious nontheless. 

“Yeah,” she answers instantly, then gives him a small smile. “Just Mom being up my ass about everything, as usual.” 

“Ah,” Alec says, bobbing his head in understanding. “I can so relate.” 

Alien huffs out a laugh and shakes her head in wonder. “Forget about my Mom though, how is yours taking it? It’s not every day her golden child disobeys her.”

“First of all, I’m not the golden child, that’s Jace’s jon, and second...I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to her.” 

Aline gasps, looking at him like he’d grown another head. “You’re ignoring her calls? No one sends Maryse Lightwood to voicemail.” 

“I do, apparently.” Alec nods. 

“You really did turn into a rebel overnight,” she quips, playfully shoving at his shoulder. 

Alec would be mad at the use of his highschool nickname, and at the fact that she’s clearly spoken to Isabelle and knows all the details of their conversation from the day before, but in that moment, Magnus walks down the stairs, looking like all of Alec’s fantasies wrapped up in caramel skin and tight hiking leggings, and he really can’t find it in himself to say anything back to Aline. 

It’s the wrong move though, because she clearly catches him staring, and her whole face lights up like it’s Christmas come early. 

She gasps again, eyes wide and filled with joy, and whispers, “Izzy was right. You turned into a rebel overnight, and all for a  _ boy.”  _

Alec blushes, he can’t help it, and she quietly squeals and pokes at his red cheeks. 

He bats her hands away. “Quit that, would you. I didn’t turn into a rebel, and I definitely didn’t do anything for a boy.” 

“But you want to! Admit it,” she jabs him in the cheek again. “You want to rip those pants right off of Magnus’ sexy legs and touch his-” 

Alec slaps a hand over her mouth before she can finish that, feeling the blush all the way down to his naval. 

Such is his luck, Magnus choses that moment to notice them and walk over, a gorgeous smile on his perfect lips. 

“Well, what’s going on here?” he asks. 

“Nothing!” Alec shouts, then ducks his head in embarrassment. “Absolutely nothing.” 

Aline smirks at him, winks and then saunters off to fuck knows where with a little wave, leaving him and Magnus alone. 

“What is it with me and always catching you at the most inopportune moments?” Magnus asks in amusement, cocking his hip out and resting a hand on it.

Alec stares a second too long at the curve of Magnus’ ass and shakes his head to rid himself of those thoughts, hoping that he wasn’t caught perving. 

He’s blushing, he knows it, and Magnus decides to be an asshole (an attractive asshole, Alec’s brain corrects) and point it out. 

“You’ve gone all red. Am I embarrassing you?” 

“No! Of course not,” Alec huries to correct. “You just...you’re very intimidating.” At Magnus’ pointed look to his painted glittery nails and yoga pants, Alec clarifies, quite stupidly, “Not in a you’re going to beat me up way, but in a you make me feel... _ things _ way.” 

Magnus’ mouth falls open in shock, and then he pointedly looks down to Alec’s crotch area with a raised eyebrow.

Alec blushes again and practically stumbles over his words to fix this shit show he’s gotten himself into.“Not like that! You just…make me nervous. You’re sort of like a celebrity.” 

It’s a lame excuse, they both know it, but Magnus doesn’t call him out on it. 

Instead, his face softens and he reaches out to pat at Alec’s thigh in reassurance. “I’m just human, Alexander. Don’t think of me on such a high pedestal, though I am flattered you think I’m pretty enough to be a celebrity.” 

And with that, Magnus winks and gets up to walk over to where most of the group has gathered for breakfast, leaving Alec blushing and a little breathless, because Magnus’ ass looks  _ fabulous _ in yoga pants. 

Well, shit.

  
  


***

  
  


“Alright everybody, today is the day our Trek begins,” Luke announces with a big grin. “Our distance to cover today is 10 miles, all along this river until we reach the bottom of the mountain, where we will set up camp for the night.” He points to the river they’re gathered by, and then in the direction they’ll be walking. 

Alec looks out, using his height to his advantage to see hills and trees and winding paths that lead to their destination. He hasn’t exerted himself in a while, and he feels excitement bubble up at the prospect, even more so when Luke announces it as a race. 

He’s always been a bit competitive, he can admit that without shame. 

“We’ll split up into two teams, and the one that reaches the campsite first will be the winners. The losers will have to set up camp and make dinner, while the winning team rests. Now, who wants to be team captains?” Luke asks. 

Instantly, Magnus and Simons’ hands shoot up. Luke points them out, and then he assigns people to each team until there’s no one left. 

Alec’s put on Simon’s team, which he can’t help but feel a little bitter about only because he thought he could spend some time with Magnus.

But his competitiveness kicks in and winning becomes the only thing on his mind, so he shoves out anything else and starts the hike, pacing himself unlike everyone else who thinks running will help them get there faster. 

Idiots, all of them. 

He doesn’t even realise how far he’s gotten a few hours later until he looks back and sees everyone else  _ below _ , not on the same level. 

He’s reached the tip of the biggest hill, and everyone else is resting by the looks of it, so he takes a breather and sits down too. 

Without even thinking about it, Alec’s eyes drift to where Magnus is perched on a rock halfway up the hill, eating an apple. His other hand is holding his recorder up, filming all the trees and animals around them. 

He looks peaceful, and somehow, Alec thinks that this is the real Magnus, not the one he shows a lot of people. His suspicions are confirmed when he sees another guy approaching Magnus, who instantly puts his mask back up when he realises someone’s nearing him.

Alec scowls when he realises its Imasu, the Peruvian exchange student that stuck to Magnus’ side like a leech during the train ride.

Unable to hear the conversation, Alec simply watches the exchange, how Imasu smiles flirtatiously and puts his hand on Magnus’ arm, and then how Magnus winks and grins that charming smile of his. 

Alec scoffs when he sees Imasu point out his bare thigh (because of course he’s wearing the tightest and shortest shorts) where there’s what looks to be a scratch, and Magnus gasps dramatically and reaches into his backpack for a band aid. He situates himself between Imasu’s spread legs and does way more touching than necessary to apply the bandaid, smiling sunnily once it’s done.

In that moment, Magnus’ gaze catches his, and he jumps up, looking alarmed. 

Alec smirks and waggles his fingers in a wave, ignoring the jealousy and using it to fuel his competitive spirit. 

Magnus is a flirt, and he gets around. Everyone and their mother knows that. Alec can’t be upset by it. What he can do, however, is beat Magnus at this race, since clearly Magnus thought he was in the lead. 

With that thought, Alec gets up and powers on, still pacing himself because he’s not an idiot, and he doesn’t even glance back ten minutes later when he hears hurried footsteps and ragged breathing approaching him. 

“Alexander!” Magnus calls out, then mutters under his breath something that sounds like a colourful insult. “Alexander, wait!” 

“It’s Alec,” Alec corrects, wondering when Magnus will finally get that. He doesn’t slow however, and eventually Magnus catches up and places a hand on his shoulder, attempting to halt him. 

It doesn’t work. 

“Let me win this race, please,” Magnus pleads, his breath still coming out laboured. 

Alec huffs out a short laugh, and indicates Magnus’ whole person. “Look at the state you’re in from climbing one hill. I can beat you easily,” he jibes, knowing Magnus is only winded because he ran but wanting to use all the ammunition he can. 

“Come  _ on _ , Alexander,” Magnus says, on the verge of whining. “You were first in class for every subject at school, for every year! At least let me win  _ this _ .” 

“It’s your fault anyway,” Alec counters, feeling annoyed at school being brought up again. He can’t help adding, “You can’t win if you spend all your time massaging boys’ legs,” in a bitter tone. 

Magnus smirks at him as he says “it’s called flirting, It’s very good for your health, like...Yoga!” 

“Seriously?” Alec huffs out in indignation. “Have you come here to climb mountains or guys?” 

“Hey!” Magnus says in mock hurt, playfully slapping at Alec’s chest. “That poor, innocent boy hurt himself  _ so _ badly!” 

Alec rolls his eyes, knowing it was the tiniest scratch ever. “Yeah,  _ innocent _ . I’ve never seen someone more innocent in my life,” he mutters sarcastically.

“What?” Magnus asks contemplatively. “Don’t you like Imasu? Look at him!” 

Magnus points to where Imasu is climbing the hill, and Alec stops walking to look too. 

“Look how perfectly his hair sways,” Magnus says, waving his hands in a vague gesture to mimic it. 

Alec tilts his head, frowning at Imasu, and then quips, “that’s not all he’s swaying,” with a pointed look to Imasu’s hips and ass. 

Magnus laughs goodheartedly, looking surprised at Alec for saying something like that, then bobs his head as he says, “yes, that is true.” 

Alec walks off, but Magnus quickly follows, calling out his name, and when that doesn’t work, he grabs Alec’s hand and they both come to a halt closer than expected. 

“Just wait Alexander, stop for a minute.” Magnus points to the boulder that’s conveniently next to them, and Alec takes a seat. 

“You’re right,” he says, sounding far more serious than Alec expected. “He’s a bit silly and overdramatic, and definitely coming on too strong, I know. But I can’t flirt with guys like you, so I have to make do with guys like him.” 

Alec stares in confusion, silently contemplating what the hell that means. “What do you mean, _guys_ _like me_?” he asks accusingly when he realises that’s what Magnus had said. 

Magnus looks at him,  _ really  _ looks at him, his eyes boring into Alec’s, and then answers in a soft tone. “Guys like you aren’t made for flirting...you’re made for love.” Alec gulps, mind going absolutely blank. “And love, Alexander, is very, very bad for my health,” Magnus finishes with a whisper. 

There’s something in Magnus’ eyes that tells Alec he’s been hurt, and Alec jolts when he realises that he  _ knows _ he has. Everyone saw the fallout when Magnus found out Camille was cheating in freshman year. Alec can’t believe he forgot about it, but then again Magnus covered up the hurt pretty well in the following years with all the flirting smiles and flings. 

He’s about to say something, though he’s not sure what, but Magnus smiles gently and pats his shoulder before getting up, clearly signalling the end of that conversation and continuing the hike.

“Magnus! Wai-” Alec begins, but stops mid-sentence when he gets up and falls straight to the ground. He looks down at his feet where they’re elaborately tied together with rope, and then curses after Magnus when he hears his laughter. “Magnus! You fucking cheat!” 

Magnus blows him a kiss and waves before sauntering off, and Alec can’t help laughing fondly at him, competitiveness forgotten in the face of Magnus laughing and not having that haunted, hurt look in his eyes from a few moments ago. 

  
  


***

  
  


Magnus’ team wins the race, but Alec’s not that upset by it. He tries not to stare as Imasu blatantly flaunts himself in front of Magnus and instead focuses on the task at hand: cooking. 

Simon, being their team captain, gave them all roles as the losing team, and for whatever godforsaken reason, he’d chosen Alec as one of the chefs for the evening. 

Now, Alec is no Isabelle, so he isn’t an absolute disaster when it comes to cooking, but he’s not some master chef either, and so with hardly no deliberating at all, Alec trades places with Catarina and takes up the chopping end, rather than the mixing and actual cooking end. 

Catarina stands beside him, mixing all the ingredients together as he chops them up. They’ve been talking about their studying and different classes they’re looking forward to when she suddenly indirectly brings up his parents. 

“Have you ever thought about working at a larger hospital?”

Alec pauses, knife frozen in place over the potatoes. 

“You mean not at my parents clinic?” he asks, feeling weird even saying it. 

“Yeah,” she shrugs. “You’re really clever, you could definitely go into the research end of a medical degree at a University hospital. Use your brain to help more people than those just in Idris.” 

It’s such an innocent question, asked only in curiosity, but Alec feels completely baffled by it and what the answer to it might mean for him. 

“It’s never crossed my mind,” he admits, resuming the chopping. “My parents’ clinic is all I’ve known...it’s also going to be mine one day.”

“That’s great, Alec,” she says, looking happy for him even though Alec knows it’s something she’d never wish for herself. “I wasn’t saying it to tell you to move, I was just being nosy,” she laughs, taking the chopped potatoes and handing him peppers next. 

“Where are you going?” he asks her, just to get the focus off of him. 

“Well I’m studying in Florida, you know that already. But I think I’d like to work in New York eventually.” 

Alec nods. That would be nice. He’s never been, but something about the busyness of the city appeals to him, not for the nightlife or people, but for the fact that he would blend in there, he would be anonymous, just another stranger on the street, not Alec Lightwood, son of Robert and Maryse, soon to be doctor. It’d be nice not to have a title and descriptor and instead just be  _ Alec _ .

He’s so focused on getting the pepper sliced as evenly as possible that he barely even notices Magnus coming to stand beside him, and only startles when a bedazzled hand with glitter painted nails appears in his line of vision. 

“Magnus!” Alec yelps, knife falling from his hand in shock and landing just shy of Magnus’ feet. “Don’t do that!” he chastises. “I could have stabbed you. I almost  _ did _ stab you!” 

“I didn’t think you’d be so easy to scare Darling,” Magnus counters, hands raised non-threateningly. 

Alec bends down to pick up the knife and cleans it before continuing his chopping. “I was concentrating on the instructions,” he says offhandedly, vaguely waving to the card in front of him. 

Magnus frowns and picks it up, and then snorts inelegantly. “You mean the recipe?” 

“Yeah, the instructions.” 

“Never change, Darling,” Magnus says fondly, a smile in his voice, but Alec’s too busy with the peppers to notice it or analyse what Magnus means by that. 

They stay in silence for a few minutes. Alec can feel Magnus’ gaze on him, and at one point he looks up and sees Aline giving him a thumbs up. He just scowls at what she’s insinuating and ignores Magnus watching him like a hawk. 

Eventually though, Magnus must get fed up, because he sighs heavily and butchecks Alec out of the way. “Give me that, Alexander,” he says, swiping the knife easily off of Alec and chopping the peppers like a pro.

“I was-” Alec stops, watching Magnus handle the knife like it’s always a part of him and then squints at him in suspicion. “You’re really good at that.” 

“I am,” Magnus says simply.

Alec waits for him to elaborate, and when he doesn't, he asks, “Where did you learn?” 

There’s a pause, one that’s definitely noticeable, before Magnus shrugs nonchalantly. “My Mom.” 

Alec nods in understanding and doesn’t ask anymore. He knows when to not prod, and this is definitely one of those times. Much to his surprise, Magnus carries on the conversation even though Alec gave him an out. 

“It’s what I’m going to do,” he says, as if that makes any sense at all to Alec who was too busy watching Magnus hands, more specifically his fingers, imagining all the other ways they’d be talented.

“I thought you were going to study journalism? I mean, that’s what all the filming is for, right?” he asks when he gets his footing again. 

“I am, but I want to cook too, on a professional scale.”

“So what are you going to study in University?” 

Magnus pauses to look at him, a contemplative look on his face, and Alec feels like he’s missed something. “Journalism,” Magnus says, as if that doesn’t confuse Alec even more. 

“But what about cooking?” 

“That will be after,” he answers flippantly. 

There’s something Magnus isn’t telling him, that much Alec is aware of, but he doesn’t want to push, so he just nods and watches Magnus finish up the vegetables before passing them to Catarina, who looks between them when an expression he has no time or energy to decipher. 

He sits next to Clary and a girl named Maia from a different school, not talking much as he eats dinner and instead watching them flirt back and forth, looking so  _ happy _ doing it that Alec aches for something he knows he can’t have. 

The sun is just setting over the horizon when Magnus comes back from wherever he went and announces that there’s a party going on at another camp on the other side of the river and that they’re all invited. 

Alec looks to Luke to see if he’s going to protest, but he nods and surprisingly goes with them. Alec hides behind one of the tents set up while everyone leaves, not sure why he’s still acting like this when school finished months ago. 

He was never invited to places back then, no one really talked to him and all he did was study. Maybe it was his parents’ fault, but he can’t picture himself going to parties, even if right now something in him tells him to go. 

He doesn’t.

Alec studies instead, sitting by the campfire and snacking on some grapes.

This is something he’s used to. He’s done it all his life, it’s not out of the ordinary for him. It’s  _ safe _ . 

But over the river, Alec can hear the music and laughter, the unbridled joy in the atmosphere, and he wonders why he can’t just go on over and enjoy it.

There’s a shuffle from behind him, and within a second his brain is alert. He thinks back to his conversation with Magnus at the train station about the bears and thinks it’d be just his luck to get eaten by one now when there’s no one around to help. 

Izzy’s going to kill him if that’s how this trip ends for him.

As silently as possible, he lifts up the torch perched beside him and flips the switch on, shining it in the direction of the noise. There’s a silhouette, the sound of a zipper being pulled down, and then the sound of pee hitting the floor. 

Alec blushes, and then almost chokes on air when the figure turns around at the sound and light from the torch and he sees  _ Magnus _ , of all people. 

He thinks maybe being eaten by a bear would be better at this point. 

Magnus walks over after washing his hands, whistling casually. “You shouldn’t poke around in the dark, Darling. You never know what you’ll find.” 

Alec doesn’t say anything, even when Magnus comes closer and looks at him like he’s crazy. 

“Seriously? You’re  _ studying _ , on vacation?” 

“If you’ve managed to zip yourself back up, then go back to the party,” Alec says sourly.

“Why aren’t you coming?” Magnus asks, ignoring Alec’s bitter mood. 

“I have no interest in your stupid parties.” 

Magnus walks over, taking a seat beside Alec on the log and staring at him in a way that makes Alec feel naked in front of him. 

“Lie,” he says simply, barely a whisper. “You... _ want _ to come.” 

“Absolutely not.” 

Magnus grabs the pen right out of his hand and tosses it carelessly behind him, then he takes the book in Alec’s lap and slaps it shut, standing up and waltzing around the fire.

“Hey! I was reading that. Magnus... _ Mag-”  _ Alec stops short, realising he’s standing chest to chest with Magnus in a failed attempt to get his book back.

“Be honest with me,” Magnus tells him softly. “Do you want to come, or not?” 

Alec’s breath leaves him suddenly at the intensity in Magnus’ gaze, at the warmth from his body seeping into Alec. 

Magnus has to look up to meet his eyes this close, but Alec still feels like he’s the shorter one, he still feels like he’s being placed under a microscope and analysed, and it surprisingly doesn’t bother him when it’s Magnus that’s inspecting him. 

And so, he answers truthfully. 

“Yes.”

“Then what’s the problem, Darling?” Magnus asks, his hand coming up to brush away the stray bits of hair falling in Alec’s face and push his glasses back up his nose. 

“You won’t understand,” Alec tries, hoping Magnus will drop it now.

Of course, he doesn’t.

“Try me.” 

“This is easy for you,” Alec tells him. “All of this is easy. Going to parties, making new friends every day. You’ve always been good at it, even in school. Always the cool guy, always everybody’s favourite.” 

A sigh leaves Alec, more tired than anything else. He feels like he did that evening he decided to come on this trip, when he blew up at his parents and let it all out. 

He should have learnt then that keeping everything bottled inside doesn’t work, it’s bound to blow up at some point or another, and this is something he’s kept bottled for all of his school career. 

“Do you remember what I was like in school? I just studied, Magnus. Always with my head in a book, always in a corner. I didn’t really have friends. Even Aline was someone I was only close with because my parents’ know hers.”

“Alexander,” Magnus tries, reaching a hand out to stop him from moving away. 

Alec evades it, going to pick up his discarded pen. “Bunking classes, ignoring rules, having  _ fun _ with friends...I’ve never done that. I couldn’t do it then, and I clearly can’t do it now. I’m always going to be like this...this _ , boring _ person.” 

“Hey,” Magnus says, grabbing his hand when he tries to leave again. “You showed up on this trip last minute, with 25 strangers, absolutely alone. That takes guts Alexander. And so what if you didn’t do the same things as me in school? You are your own person, you shouldn’t have to change yourself or become someone different just to be liked. The people worth your time will like you for you, just like I do.” 

Alec’s heart skips a beat in his chest when Magnus steps closer again, his hand coming up to rest on Alec’s cheek. “Stop feeling bad for yourself, and start loving who you are. Because to me, who you are is perfect.” 

Magnus’ thumb strokes along his cheekbone and then the side of his mouth, while Alec just stands there dumbly, staring at him. 

“There is one problem though,” he says after what could have been minutes of Alec being frozen in place. “You don’t smile enough.” 

Alec huffs out a laugh, ignoring the slight wetness in his eyes. 

He is  _ not _ going to cry. 

“Do you know how dangerous your smile is, Darling?” Magnus asks, shaking his head like he’s blown away by it. “If I had a heart, it would have been lost in your smile years ago.” 

And that’s it. 

Maybe the feeling was always there, simmering while Alec watched longingly from the shadows at school, or maybe it developed on this trip where he actually had a chance and the opportunity to talk to Magnus and get to know him, and maybe it happened too quickly to be real, but in that moment, Alec can’t deny what he feels. 

He feels like he just got hit in the face with a flashing billboard reading  _ You’re in love with Magnus Bane.  _

Fuck.

“Alexander,” Magnus whispers, jolting Alec from his stupor. “Are you going to let go of my hand, Sweetheart?” 

Alec gulps, looking at where their hands are joined, fingers linked together like they were made for each other. 

He shakes his palm free from Magnus’ and watches him walk back towards the party, stopping only once to turn back and motion Alec to follow. 

Alec goes willingly. 

***

  
  


They’re on the fourth day of the trip when they reach the highest point on the mountain that they’ll be camping at and Alec is close to freezing his balls off. 

It’s not even winter, but he’s never done well with cold weather, and so he’s wrapped up in four layers with a scarf, hat and gloves. 

The only perk is that Magnus will occasionally come over and hug him from behind in an attempt to warm him up, which Alec appreciates greatly even if it doesn’t really work. 

He thinks after their conversation that first night by the campfire, something has changed between them, or at least it has for him. 

The following days had been a flurry of jokes and flirting, that Alec actually participated in, along with a healthy dose of competition as they climbed up the mountain.

Alec got to watch Clary and Maia’s relationship blossom, he got to watch Aline and Helen become even more married than they were in high school, but most importantly he got to watch Imasu fall into the river and nothing could beat that, apart from waking up next to Magnus every day.

They’d decided to share the tent...well Magnus had decided and Alec went along with it because apparently when he was in love, he was susceptible to anything and everything.

The sun is just about to set when Alec notices the flag higher up on the mountain, right at its peak in fact, and points it out ot Magnus, who latches onto it like a moth to a flame. 

“Luke!” he calls out, then points to the flag. “What’s that up there? It must be a great view, can we go?” 

“Actually,” Luke begins, looking amused. “There used to be a some kind of statue there. No one knows how it got there, or when it got there, but the story was that people would go there and make one wish on a full moon with a dollar bill, and that wish would come true.” 

Simon laughs, and the others join in. “Sounds like a scam to me. I bet some asshole just took all the money at the end of the night.” 

Alec’s never really believed in stuff like that, he studied science after all, but he can’t help looking up at the flag longingly, and he notices Magnus doing the same. 

“Funnily enough, it’s a full moon tonight,” Luke says, then playfully slaps Simon upside the head when he howls like a wolf, or at least attempts to howl like a wolf.

  
  


***

  
  


Alec’s isn’t sure what makes him do it, but later that night, when everyone’s asleep, he quietly sneaks out of the tent and wraps up in his coat before grabbing his flashlight and heading towards the flag. 

He’s stopped by a tree, looking up at the cloudless sky and endless sea of stars when he hears a rustle followed by a curse, and sure enough, there’s Magnus making his way up to the peak of the mountain. 

Alec should have known he’d want to go up too. 

Feeling a bit playful, Alec rustles some leaves and then sneaks around to jump up on Magnus from behind. 

“Boo!” he shouts, just to be funny, and Magnus jumps ten feet in the air before turning around with the most hilarious expression on his face. 

Alec bursts out laughing, and then because he sometimes like to be a little shit, he says, “You shouldn’t poke around in the dark,  _ Darling _ , you never know what you’ll find.” 

Magnus scoffs, laughing too now, and hits at his shoulder. “Asshole. What are you doing here?” 

With a shrug of his shoulder, Alec turns and continues up the mountain. “Come on.” 

Magnus follows easily, and they clear the first half with ease. 

It’s much darker and colder than Alec expected, but he keeps going, doing a few jumps here and there to try and warm himself up. 

The walk is fairly silent, which Alec is thankful for as it gives him time to think about what he’s going to wish for, though deep down he knows there’s only one thing he wants. 

He can hear Magnus huffing out in exertion a few steps behind him so he stops when he finds somewhere sturdy enough to sit and asks, “Do you want a break?” 

“What?” Magnus huffs out, looking at Alec as if he’d just insulted him. “I don’t get tired,” he says, as if he isn’t gasping for air. 

“I’m tired,” Alec lies, if only because he doesn’t want Magnus to collapse while they’re walking. 

Magnus takes it for the olive branch that it is and sits down next to Alec, leaning back and taking a few moments to even out his breathing. They don’t have much longer to go, and the sun will be rising soon so Alec figures a break until then will be nice. 

The view will probably be better with light anyway. 

Alec bites his lip in contemplation, because now that he’s sitting he can feel the cold even more. 

Eventually, he says  _ fuck it _ , and asks Magnus, “Do you have any alcohol?” 

Magnus shoots up from where he was lying back and looks at Alec like he’s a completely different person. It’s not far off from the truth if Alec’s being honest.

“What?” he asks dumbly. 

“Do you have  _ alcohol _ ?” Alec repeats, slower this time. “Please, I’m really cold and it will warm me up.” 

Magnus laughs, a little hysterically (Alec still finds it cute), and reaches inside his coat pocket to pull out a hip flask. 

“You’re just full of surprises tonight, Alexander.” 

“Good ones, I hope.” Magnus hands him the flask, and Alec opens it with trepidation, looking at Magnus with what he hopes is a threatening face. “Don’t tell anyone,” he says, pointing a finger at him. 

Magnus mimes sealing his lips shut and throwing away the key, then gestures for Alec to take a sip.

He does. In fact, he swallows down a few gulps without even asking what’s inside, and then coughs and splutters, shoving the flask back at Magnus. 

“Oh my God,” Magnus laughs, patting his back to help him stop choking. “You just downed Whiskey like it was water.”

So that probably wasn’t the best way to introduce his body to alcohol, Alec thinks, but it does the job, warming him up from the inside. 

“It wasn’t that bad,” he admits, wiping his mouth with the back of his gloved hand. 

“Of course it wasn’t,” Magnus says, taking a small sip himself. “It’s Nikka Single Malt, made in Hokkaido.” 

Alec nods, pretending he understands why that makes it a really good whiskey, and then asks, “How do you know all that?” 

“Hey, I’m not just beauty and good looks Darling. I’ve got the brains too,” Magnus quips, nudging his shoulder playfully. 

Alec rolls his eyes, prompting Magnus to sigh and reach into his bag to pull out a journal. He hands it over to Alec, open on the first page with a well drawn Map on it.

Some places have been coloured in, Alec notes, like Idris, Oregon, California, and Indonesia, each with a number allocated to them, and then underneath, there’s a list of what Alec estimates to be 100 places. 

He turns the page, realising the number at the top is the same assigned to Indonesia on the map, and finds the whole page filled with doodles, cut outs from magazines, and some recipes. 

The next page has been titled France, but the rest of it is blank. 

“What is this?” Alec asks him, gently closing the book and handing it back. 

“My dream,” Magnus says, almost dazedly. “I want to see every corner of the world, Alexander, and I want to learn everything there is about the culture and food for each place I go.” 

Alec smiles, thinking something so adventurous suits Magnus perfectly. Jokingly, Alec says, “that will take a whole lifetime. When are you going to do everything else?” 

Magnus answers like he was prepared for that though. “What else is there? Student till 22, employed at 25, husband at 26, father at 30, retirement at 60. And then what? Wait for death.” He shakes his head, shoving his book back into his bag and pulling out an envelope instead. “That might be for some people, but I don’t think I can do ordinary.” 

He was only teasing when he asked that question, but with Magnus’ answer, Alec feels like he’s hit something he wasn’t prepared to hear the response too. Magnus doesn’t notice, too busy pouring his heart out, and with a bittersweet kind of sadness, Alec realises this is the real Magnus, the one he’s had glimpses of over the course of the week but hasn’t seen fully until now, and now that he has, he knows more than ever before that he can’t have it. 

Magnus hands him the envelope and with a pang, Alec realises it’s an acceptance letter from somewhere in France...halfway across the world. 

“I applied for an internship with a food blog that’s turning into a documentary,” Magnus explains, looking so happy that Alec can’t even find it in himself to be upset by any of it. “It’s a journalist gig, but I’ll get to explore and I’ll get to learn. You asked me what I’m going to study at University...well this is it.”

Alec smiles, hoping Magnus doesn’t see the sadness lingering in it. He doesn’t have anything to say, so he stays quiet, so quiet that Magnus actually blushes and looks to his feet. 

“I really just exploded on you there, didn’t I?” he asks sheepishly.

Shaking his head no, Alec smiles reassuringly and reaches out to grab Maguns’ hand, lacing their fingers together. 

He can’t have what he wants, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t take the little bits he’s allowed. 

“I haven’t even told Clary and Simon yet,” Magnus admits, shaking his head at himself. “But I’m glad I told you first.” 

“Mee too,” Alec breathes out, squeezing Magnus’ hand, and then attempts to lift the somber mood that settled over them. “Though I am an odd first choice, if you consider the fact that you didn’t say  _ hi _ to me once at school.” 

“Hey!” Magnus squeaks in indignation. “You never said  _ hi _ to me either!” 

“You were practically famous, Magnus!” Alec shoots back. “Me saying hi to you is like a fan going up to say hi to their favourite celebrity.” 

Magnus smirks and Alec realises what he’s just said. “Shut up,” he says, before Magnus can even open his mouth. “You know what I meant.” 

“Am I your favourite celebrity?” Magnus teases him. “Are you my number one fan? Come say hello to me now, then.” 

Alec blushes and swats at Magnus’ hand that’s trying to pinch his cheek, only resulting in making his glasses askew. 

Magnus rights them for him, and then pauses, probably realising at the same time as Alec that they’ve somehow moved closer together, with Alec’s legs practically draped over Magnus’ lap, their noses just shy of touching. 

Clearing his throat, Magnus smiles softly and whispers, just between the two of them. 

“Hi, Alexander.” 

Alec smiles, probably like a fangirl meeting their celebrity crush for the first time, and whispers back. 

“Hi, Magnus.”

There’s a noticeable pause, where Magnus opens his mouth to say something but closes it instead, gaze flickering between Alec’s eyes and his lips. 

Alec realises that Magnus’ hands are still holding his face from when he righted his glasses, his thumbs gently stroking across his cheekbones as if Magnus was holding pure treasure in his hands. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Magnus whispers suddenly, startling Alec out of his peacefulness in being held like he was something precious. 

“You just did,” Alec quips. 

Magnus ignores it, eyes flicking down to Alec’s lips once more as he asks, “Would it be terrible of me if I asked to kiss you?” 

Alec’s breath leaves him in a woosh, something he’s sure Magnus feels since they’re so close to each other. 

He hurries to nod, probably looking like a bobblehead, but he can’t bring himself to be embarrassed when in the next second, Magnus’ lips are on his, so warm compared to the cool air that Alec feels like he’s been lit on fire. 

It’s a soft kiss, completely innocent and chaste, but Alec’s bright red by the end of it anyway. 

He licks his lips, savouring the taste as much as he can, and releases a happy sigh, admitting, “That was my first kiss,” without even thinking about it. 

Magnus chuckles, only looking slightly surprised. “How was it?” 

“Perfect,” Alec answers dazedly.

“You deserve perfect,” Magnus whispers, smiling so softly that Alec kind of wants to hit him, or kiss him, he’s not sure which.

Magnus nudges his nose with his own in an eskimo kiss, then gets to his feet, pulling Alec up with him. 

The sun is rising now, a soft orange glow coming over the mountain top and illuminating their destination clearly. 

With the light, it only takes them half an hour to get there. 

Magnus holds his hand the entire way, and when they reach the flag, they both place a dollar bill at the base of it, looking towards the fading full moon to make their wish. 

Alec knows his will never come true, especially now knowing that Magnus will be leaving, but he wishes it anyway. 

One word only. 

The simplest wish.

Magnus.

***

They make it back to the campsite just before the morning alarm, and Aline is the only one who notices them sneaking back in from where she’s getting the fire started. She shoots Alec a look that clearly indicates they’ll be having a conversation in the near future, but he ignores it for the time being, shuffling after Magnus and huddling into their tent. 

“I can’t believe I just did that,” Alec whispers, wrapping himself up in his blanket and without thinking, snuggling into Magnus’ chest.

They’ve woken up cuddling enough times for it to not be awkward while they’re both awake now, so he doesn’t even give it another thought when Magnus’ arm comes around him and begins to rub soothing circles into his back.

“Well you never bunked in school, so I guess now is your time to let out your inner rule breaker,” Magnus suggests, burying his face in Alec’s hair with a small laugh. 

The casual contact feels nice, grounding Alec in a way he’s never felt before. 

He doesn’t really want to think about the fact that there’s a time limit on whatever this is between them. He knows it happened way too fast but he’s in love. He also knows that Magnus hasn’t had the best track record when it comes to love, and he doesn’t want to tell himself they’re on the same page when he knows Magnus isn’t ready to even open the book. 

So, Alec decides he’s going to take what he can get, and he’s going to savour every moment. 

Magnus will be leaving. He can’t change that. But he can spend every remaining minute with him and make as many memories as possible, so that’s what he’s going to do.

  
  


***

Aline finds him later that day, singling him out from Simon and Clary as they make their way down the mountain and tugging him aside. 

“Spill,” she demands, looking pointedly in Magnus’ direction. He’s talking to Catarina, hands gesticulating wildly, but clearly feels the eyes on him because he pauses and looks up, smiling softly when he realises it’s Alec. 

The punch into his shoulder knocks him out of his staring and he frowns at Aline, rubbing his arm. She packed a punch for a small person. 

“What was that for?” he asks, even though he knows exactly where this conversation is going. 

“Don’t play dumb with me,” she hisses. “I saw you two making googly eyes at each other, and I saw you sneaking into your tent this morning. I also know you haven’t spoken to Izzy since the first day and since you can’t talk to her right now, I’m going to be your soundboard, so I repeat,  _ spill _ .” 

“Jesus Christ,” Alec huffs out. “You’re worse than my mother.” 

She hits him again and he yelps in indignation. “Okay! Okay I take it back, sorry.”

“What’s going on between you and Magnus?” 

“I’m not exactly sure,” Alec confesses. “But I really like him-” understatement of the fucking century, Alec thinks, “-and he likes me, I think.” 

Aline hums, looping her arm through his as they approach an uneven patch of ground. “And what were you two doing this morning?” 

“Nothing like what you’re thinking,” Alec scoffs, rolling his eyes. “We went to the peak of the mountain to make a wish.” 

At Aline’s coo, Alec scowls and shoves at her, but quickly loops their arms back together when she grins at him looking so happy that it aches. 

“So are you dating?” she asks. 

Alec shakes his head. He doesn’t know what they are, but that’s definitely not it. 

It’s definitely not his place to tell, but Aline was right in that he needs a soundboard, and so with a quick look around to make sure no one can hear, he confesses, “He’s leaving soon. He got an internship with a Paris food blog and he’s going to be travelling for the next however many years.” 

It doesn’t hurt as much to say it as he thought it would, so maybe Alec repeating to himself that it was inevitable and it was okay really did the trick, or he’s just so hurt by it that it’s become numb, like the cold. 

“Alec…” Aline trails off, something close to pity in her voice.

“No,” he says. “No, don’t do that. It’s okay Aline, it really it.” At her doubtful look, he sighs and comes to a halt, tugging on her shoulders so they’re face to face...well, face to chest, but that doesn’t matter. 

“He’s going. I can’t change that, and I wouldn’t want to. He wants to travel, he wants to see places and learn, and I wouldn’t like him the same if he was someone who’d give all that up for me, so I’m not even going to ask him to. I didn’t come here to meet someone, so I can’t be upset that I did and it’s the wrong timing. All I want to do now is enjoy the time I have left, and then put this all into experiences and start school, okay?” 

Aline bites her lip in contemplation, staring at him for a beat before nodding. “Okay, yeah. As long as you know what you’re doing.” 

Alec has absolutely no clue what he’s doing, but maybe if he pretends like he does, it’ll all work out okay.

  
  


***

Imasu’s clearly given up on trying to gain Magnus’ attention, having noticed it’s now mostly directed at Alec, something that he’s immensely pleased about. 

They’re cuddling in their tent, half way down the mountain when Magnus laughs at him for bringing it up. 

“So it’s not that you don’t like him, you just wanted me all to yourself.” 

“I detect no lies,” Alec grins.

“Well now you have me,” Magnus whispers and leans down to kiss him. 

It’s their second kiss. Alec wasn’t sure there’d be more after their first one the night before, or how he should even bring it up, but he’s saved from doing so when Magnus takes the initiative and kisses him. 

“Hold on,” Magnus whispers, pulling back a little to pluck Alec’s glasses out of the way. “That’s better.” 

“How are you so certain I can see you right now?” Alec asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Because I pay attention, and I know you’re short sighted.” 

“Have you been spying on me?” 

“Of course not. I’ve been watching you, non creepily of course.” 

“Oh, of course,” Alec grins, unable to stop the giddy laugh that bubbles out of him.

Magnus’ smile tones down to something soft and reverent, hands brushing softly just under Alec’s eye. 

“I know you think you were always in the shadows, but I noticed you,” he confesses quietly. 

Alec’s breath lodges in his throat. He gulps audibly to try and clear it. “You - you did?” he croaks out. 

“Mhm,” Magnus hums, smile still soft and gentle. “You were an enigma, Alexander Lightwood. My little puzzle I could never figure out. Somedays I wanted to badly to come and talk to you, get you to sit with us at lunch when Aline was there, but I always chickened out.” 

“I can’t imagine you being scared of anything,” Alec tells him truthfully, still a little dazed that the longing wasn’t completely one sided back in high school.

“Truth be told, you made me quite nervous, Darling. You were always top of the class, always so smart and had this whole plan to get where you wanted. I honestly thought I’d be bringing you down if I talked to you...but maybe I should have done it anyway, because then you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself for simply being who you are.” 

Alec gulps again, staring into Magnus’ eyes and letting himself get lost in them. 

“We both just needed to step out of our comfort zone then,” he says, and Magnus agrees with a nod. 

“I’m glad you came on this trip, Alexander.” 

“Me too,” Alec confesses, then kisses him again.

  
  


***

They reach the bottom of the mountain again by the next two days, and Alec thinks that he more than anyone else is glad about that, simply because he won’t be freezing his balls off now. 

Instead of spending one more night camping, they decide to just elongate the day and walk it back to the hotel, having a quick dinner before heading up to their allocated rooms from before. 

Magnus had snuck in his hip flask, and had somehow convinced Alec to have a few sips during dinner, so he’s feeling a little tipsy, and Magnus is just laughing at him so they’re both giggling like school children as they make their way back to the room. 

Alec flops down on the bed face first and groans happily when Magnus perches himself on the edge of the bed, reaching a hand over to gently comb through his hair. 

“Okay, so maybe the whiskey was a bad idea,” he admits.

“I’m not drunk, I promise,” Alec says, slurring his words a little. 

“But you’re not in the right mind either,” Magnus tells him, patting at his head and then getting up. 

Alec full on whines, hands scrabbling to reach for Magnus and pull him back to the bed, but he just ends up falling instead and bursts out into laughter. 

“I’ve never seen you like this,” Magnus comments as he helps him up and takes his shoes off, the socks following soon after. “I would make you have a shower, but I don’t trust you not to fall, and you could also drown in the bathtub so I’m not really sure what to do with you, Sweetheart.” 

“Would you sit with me?” Alec asks, eyes pleading. “If I have a bath with you, I won’t drown.” 

Magnus gapes at him, mouth opening and closing on a sentence he clearly can’t put together in his head, so Alec decides for him. 

He stumbles to his feet, only swaying a little, and then begins to strip off his clothes, but gets his arm stuck in the neckline and his glasses hanging at an odd angle from his head. 

“Alexa - Alexander,” Darling, just wait a second,” Magnus says, laughing but clearly trying to hide it. “You’re a little bit drunk, and I don’t want to take advantage of you. I’m not going to have a bath with you.” 

Alec pouts, jutting his lower lip out miserably and Magnus swats at him as he helps him take his glasses and jumper off. “If you still want it when you’re completely sober, then by all means I will join you, but right now I’m just going to draw it for you and wait outside, okay?” 

With a heavy sigh, Alec aquiecies and follows Magnus into the bathroom in just his jeans, watching as he puts the plug in to trap the water and then begins to fill the tub. 

He adds some of the hotels stuff, making it smell like sandalwood and jasmine, and Alec can already feel the tension seeping out his bones from stress he didn’t even know he had. 

“Can I have a massage?” he asks innocently, not realising how it could sound suggestive until Magnus snorts at him. “Not that kind of one,” he clarifies, “just a neck and shoulder one.” 

“Only if you leave your underwear on,” Magnus compromises, and Alec agrees readily, shucking off his jeans and hopping into the bath with a little assistance. 

He relaxes back into it, letting out a moan he’d be embarrassed about if he was sober when Magnus’ hands begin digging into his shoulders and neck. 

The thought of sex is still on his mind, though he’s not sure if it’s because he’s a little drunk and feeling wild or because he’s almost naked and in a tub with Magnus’ hands on him. Either way, he’s feeling curious, and with no brain to mouth filter, Alec just asks his questions outright. 

“Have you ever given a blowjob?” 

Magnus huffs out a laugh, not at all embarrassed by the question and digs his thumbs into Alec’s shoulder blades, gently massaging the knots. 

“Yes, I have.” 

“What’s it like?” he asks, swirling his hand about to make random shapes in the water. 

“To give a blowjob?” At Alec’s nod, Magnus hums thoughtfully. “Generally, it’s okay. I’ve never gotten pleasure from giving it, but maybe that’s because I’ve never been that affected by the person attached to the dick. Maybe if you felt something for the person it’d feel different, but I wouldn’t know.” 

“Do you think you’d like it if I gave you one?” 

Magnus laughs again, leaning over the side of the tub to press a kiss to Alec’s stubbled cheek. “I’d like anything you’d give me, Sweetheart.” 

Alec grins stupidly, happy with that answer, and then nods to himself. “I’m going to give you one then.” 

“Alright,” Magnus chuckles, pecking his cheek again and then scratching his fingers through the hair there. “Do you want me to shave for you?”

“Why? Are you really hairy?” Alec asks. “I can’t imagine you’d be that hairy. Your chest is so smooth, I’ve looked at it a lot, so it can’t be that bad. I’d like it either way…” Alec trails off when he realises Magnus is silently laughing behind him. 

He turns around, squinting at him and asking for explanations without saying it. 

“I meant your face, Darling. Do you want me to shave your face for you?” 

“Oh,” Alec blushes, looking down at his lap, and then nods. It’s just another excuse to have Magnus’ hands on him. 

Magnus sets about getting the razor and foam, then perches himself on the panel behind where Alec’s head is resting. 

He sits cross legged, then places Alec’s head in his lap and lathers up the foam between his palms, massaging it onto Alec’s face. His motions are incredibly gentle when he smooths the razor over Alec’s cheeks and neck, far more gently than Alec is with himself, and he revels in being pampered like this, soaking up all the attention like a sponge.

Alec continues his questioning and Magnus continues to be a good sport by answering all of them with no fuss whatsoever.

The only one he pauses at is Alec’s last question. 

“How many people have you been with?” 

The razor halts against his skin, and Magnus releases a heavy sigh. “Alexander,” he says. “You know I’ve been known to...get around.” 

Alec nods, because he does know that. He’s known it since freshman year when Magnus began all his short flings. “I just want to know.” 

Magnus sighs again and finishes up with shaving, rinsing the razor in the bowl of water beside him and using some of the bath water to rinse off any residual cream. 

“I stopped counting when I got to 100 in Junior year.” 

“A hundred? Woah,” Alec says with wonder.

“Does...does that bother you?” Magnus asks, sounding surprisingly shy.

“No.” Alec shakes his head, going back to swishing the water around. “I don’t care how many people you’ve been with.” 

“Really?” Magnus sounds surprised and even a little awed. Alec’s not sure why he thinks it’d bother him, because it really doesn’t. In his opinion, he’s glad that one of them is experienced. 

“Really,” he says with a nod, tilting his head back to smile up at Magnus. 

“Okay then,” Magnus smiles, leaning down to kiss him softly. 

“Okay then.”

And that’s the end of that.

  
  


***

Alec wakes up the next morning feeling more refreshed than he has in the past four years. 

He stretches languidly, tipping his head back to yawn and then startles a little when he realises Magnus is already awake and watching him. 

“That’s kind of creepy,” he admits, smiling like a look as he settles back into the pillows. 

“You’re very adorable, even more so when you snore in your sleep,” Magnus tells him, reaching a hand out to run though his hair. 

“Hey, I don’t snore,” Alec argues, then swats at Magnus when he imitates it. 

They bask in the morning glow for a few moments, and then Magnus sighs regretfully and turns to lie on his back, staring up at the ceiling. 

“It’s the last day today.” 

Alec nods, scooting closer to rest his head on Magnus’ chest. “I know.” 

He tries not to let the sadness bubble up, and fails spectacularly. The tears are already welling up in his eyes, but he angrily brushes them away with only a few quiet sniffles. 

“Can I ask for something?” Alec asks timidly, leaning on his forearms so he can look at Magnus. 

“Anything,” Magnus answers immediately. “Absolutely anything.” 

“Will you be my first?” 

Magnus looks disappointed and surprised for a second, and Alec briefly wanders what he thought Alec was going to ask for, but it feels too heavy to think about, and he can’t even stomach asking for something that life changing, so he settles for the next best thing, and that’s all of Magnus, right here, right now.

“Are you sure?” he whispers. 

“Absolutely,” Alec answers without any hesitation. “I don’t want it to be anyone else.” 

“Okay then.” 

  
  


***

Magnus goes slow, almost glacially slow, first swallowing him down and teaching him all the best tricks he knows, so Alec doesn’t feel like a complete newbie when he flips them over and kisses down Magnus’ chest right down to his perfect dick, pink and arching proudly towards his stomach. 

He struggles a little, chokes a few times, but Magnus talks and guides him through it, ever the perfect gentleman, and eventually Alec has him shivering under him, pushing at Alec’s head to get him off because he doesn’t want it to end so quickly. 

Alec’s achingly hard by the time Magnus gets around to opening him up, and the first two fingers feel amazing, even better than when he’s done it on himself a few times in the past. 

It’s the third that hurts, but Magnus shushes him, kissing him softly and sweetly until he’s relaxed again and not coiled so tight.

He insists on four fingers, and though Alec argues it’s unnecessary, he’s glad Magnus persisted because when he finally pushes in, it hurts more than Alec expected it to. 

“Do you want me to stop?” Magnus asks him, whisper soft between them

Alec shakes his head no, breathing out regularly and willing himself to relax. “No, it’s okay, just give me a minute.” 

“Anything you want, Baby,” Magnus says nipping and sucking along his neck and collarbone. “I’ll give you anything you want.” 

It’s on the tip of his tongue to ask Magnus to stay, to ask him to never leave, but Alec can’t be that selfish, so he asks Magnus to move instead, and lets himself get carried away in the pleasure.

When he comes, it’s with Magnus’ name falling breathlessly from his lips, the words  _ I love you _ just begging to come out, but Alec stops himself from saying them.

He can’t be that selfish.

***

They meet up with everyone downstairs for the final breakfast, and Alec realises with a pang that he’s really going to miss this group. 

He’s going to miss Clary and Maia flirting back and forth, Simon and his endless Star Wars references, Catarina and her mother like nature...he’s even going to miss Imasu and his awful hair and weird guitar playing, if only because it made him laugh. 

Magnus smiles at him, probably thinking the same things, and they join the others at the table to eat. 

The train ride back is much more mellowed out than the one there, so Alec thinks everyone is feeling a bit sad that it’s the end of the trip. 

He sits next to Magnus, hands entwined together as they share a pair of earbuds to listen to music. 

Alec’s playing with the rings on Magnus’ fingers, sliding them on and off, when Magnus suddenly plucks one off and slides it onto Alec’s pinky finger, the only one it’ll fit on. 

He examines the silver band with a small engraved M on it, liking the way it looks against his pale skin, then tilts his head up from where it’s resting on Magnus’ shoulder to look up at him. 

“Keep it,” he whispers, “as a way to remember me.” 

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget you,” Alec admits. 

“And I’ll never forget you, no matter where I am.” 

Alec smiles, a little bittersweet, and puts his head back on Magnus’ shoulder, staying silent for the rest of the ride. 

It passes much quicker than he’d liked, but he thinks the sooner he gets away, the quicker he begins healing the heart that's slowly breaking the closer it gets to when they part ways. 

“Clary, Simon,” Magnus calls out when the train comes to a halt. They’re sitting in the next booth over, having moved when Magnus asked to give him and Alec some privacy. 

Clary pops her head around the side of the chair expectantly. 

“I need to tell you both something,” he says. “Wait for me outside?” 

Clary nods, looking suspicious as she collects her belongings and walks out of the train, Simon following closely behind. 

He meets them by the spot Alec tapped Magnus on the shoulder, and he wills himself not to cry right now. This moment isn’t about him. 

“What’s going on dude?” Simon asks, looking between them as if it’ll give him some answers. 

“I got an internship,” Magnus blurts out, apparently going with ripping off the bandaid route. 

“That’s great!” Clary beams, though she still looks suspicious. “Where is it?” 

Magnus gulps, and Alec can tell that’s the moment both Clary and Simon realise what this is really about. 

“France,” he answers. Alec completely ignores the pang in his chest at hearing it again. “To begin with, anyway. Eventually I’ll be travelling all over the world.” 

They stand in silence for a few moments, Magnus looking increasingly like he was on the verge of panic, until Clary finally breaks it by smiling, unashamed of the tears in her eyes. 

“That’s why you wanted to do this trip, one last hoorah.” 

A laugh bubbles up out of Magnus, and he nods, pulling her into a hug, one that Simon soon joins. 

“I know I didn’t spend as much time with you guys as I had planned,” Magnus says, pointedly looking at Alec. Clary and Simon both grin at him and their joined hands. “But I wanted this to be an unforgettable trip, because I don’t know when we’re going to be able to do it again.” 

“As long as you’re happy, Magnus, we couldn’t wish for anything more,” Clary tells him, Simon nodding along in agreement. 

Magnus smiles at them, though it’s more sad than happy. Alec’s too busy looking at the ground to notice the look Magnus gives him, or the way Clary and Simon give a weak smile that’s more sympathy than anything else. 

Clary pulls him aside while Simon hugs Magnus again. “I know you didn’t plan any of this, but you coming on this trip was the best thing that could have happened. You changed Magnus more in a few days than anyone else has in the past four years, and I’ll always be grateful to you for making him smile like that again.” 

Alec laughs wetly, feeling the tears well up in his eyes, and accepts the hug Clary offers, burying his face into her hair to hide the tears. 

“You could ask him to stay, you know?” she tells him, and Alec nods, knowing it’s one hundred percent true. 

“That’s why he has to go,” he says. “I’m not gonna be the thing to hold him back, and I don’t want him to resent me for it. I’ll miss him like crazy, but I want him to have his dream.” 

Clary pulls back and pats his cheek lovingly. “You’re an amazing guy, Alec. I hope this all works out for you, however long it takes.” 

She kisses his cheek, and with a final parting wave, she walks over to the boys, hugs Magnus once more, and then tugs Simon away, tears spilling down her cheeks. 

Alec walks over to where Magnus watches them go, and they stare at each other for a few moments in silence, a million words going unsaid between them. 

“I’m scared,” Magnus admits in a whisper, hand seeking Alec’s for comfort. Their fingers tangle together, like they have so many times over the past few days. “My whole life’s about to change.”

“It is,” Alec agrees with a nod. 

“I’m going halfway across the world...alone.” 

“And here?” 

“Here...feels nice,” Magnus whispers, his other hand finding Alec’s too. “But…”

“But?” 

“But I…” Magnus trails off again, looking down to his feet. Alec uses his nose to tild Magnus’ head back up and gives him a small smile. 

“But you want to explore every corner of the world. You want to learn everything there is about culture and food from all the places you visit. You can’t eat a cheeseburger and fries every day.” 

Magnus huffs out a laugh, his beautiful eyes filling with tears. 

Alec hates it. He never wants to see Magnus cry.

“Going to France will bring me one step closer to my dream,” Magnus says, like saying it out loud will give him the courage to pursue it. “I have to go, Alexander.” 

Alec nods and smiles, giving Magnus’ hand a squeeze. “I know.” 

“Will you miss me?” Magnus asks. 

Alec sniffs and shakes his head, still smiling. “Not at all.” 

“Lies detected,” Magnus whispers, leaning his head forward to rest against Alec’s. “Will you do something for me?” 

“Anything.” 

“Don’t wait for me.” 

“Magnus…” 

“No, Alexander. Don’t wait for me.”

“You can’t ask that of me,” Alec sniffles, not wanting to even entertain the thought of being with someone else. 

“I can, Baby. You’ve spent so much of your life living it for someone else, don’t waste even more time.”

“Okay,” Alec nods. “I won’t wait.” He doesn’t mean it, not one bit, but hopefully it’ll give Magnus peace of mind. 

“Good,” Magnus whispers, nodding once, then leaning forward to capture Alec’s lips in a soft kiss. 

Their lips part slowly, as do their hands, and each step backwards feels like a stab to the heart for Alec, but what hurts the most is Magnus’ broken smile as he waves and blows a kiss, walking backwards slowly. 

“Goodbye, Alexander,” he mouths, just for Alec. 

“Goodbye, Magnus.” 

  
  
  


**IDRIS, AUGUST 2019**

Alec sighs heavily, feeling nostalgic after letting all of that out for the first time ever. 

He’d come home from work to find Izzy already at his apartment, food already ordered (not homemade, thank god) with a wedding invitation in hand and an expectant look on her face.

It was Saturday, so Alec didn’t feel bad in opening a bottle of wine to get through the story, leaving out no details as per Izzy’s request. 

She whistles as she leans back on the couch, downing what must be her fifth glass of the night. 

“I had my suspicions, you know?” she says, looking off to the bookshelf in Alec’s living room. “You came back from that trip a different person. I mean you were still Alec, but you didn’t abide to Mom and Dad’s rules like before, you were a bit more free, a bit more spontaneous.” 

Alec chuckles humorlessly, nodding at Izzy’s words. “Well, you can thank him for that.” 

“Trust me, I will,” she says with a laugh. It dies down then, and she looks a little timid, biting on her bottom lip with some hesitation. “Will you be okay seeing him again?” 

Shrugging, Alec reaches for the bottle of wine and refills his glass, taking a few sips before answering. “He might not even come Izzy,” he tells her truthfully. Magnus left two weeks after they returned from the trip, and he hasn’t been back since. “He didn’t look back, and eventually I stopped waiting for him.” 

“Maybe it’ll be different this time,” she tries. 

Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. 

What Alec knows for sure though is that he can’t let himself fall in love, because if it ends with Magnus leaving for a second time, Alec doesn’t think he’ll be able to fix his broken heart again. 


End file.
